I was hanging out on Stack Overflow this morning. Yes, I know, only a total nerd would be answering other programmer’s questions on a holiday morning. I remember the old, bad days when Stack Overflow’s admins realized that the people answering and commenting on problems were just plain heinous. Stack Overflow had a reputation: you went there for answers, got verbally abused, but got an answer. Since then, a Code of Conduct has been implemented.
But even with the Code of Conduct in place, you have to be extremely brave to admit you don’t know something. You still run the risk of snark overload, to the point of the responses being abusive.
I’m reminded of the work of Brené Brown, who researches vulnerability, shame, and guilt. I was assigned the book Daring Greatly for my Leadership class last year. I was told to start with the introduction and pick out some particular passage that spoke to me.
“Jim, what passage spoke to you, in particular?”
“There wasn’t a passage that spoke to me in particular.”
This was odd. I always had something to say in these classes. Not monitoring my air time was my biggest defeat. So the instructor pressed me a little further.
“I felt like,” I elaborated on this as I knew her work was important to me, I just didn’t know what I could say, “I felt like Dr. Brown was not writing a book to a large audience, but rather writing a letter directly to me.”
The Zoom chat went silent for a minute. I knew I had said something profound, without actually answering the question, so I picked out one passage at random and read it aloud. Most of the book seemed to be directed at me.
Vulnerability is not weakness, and the uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure we face every day are not optional. Our only choice is a question of engagement. Our willingness to own and engage with our vulnerability determines the depth of our courage and the clarity of our purpose…
Brené Brown, Daring Greatly
As I browsed through the questions, I realized that either these were n00bs who didn’t know what they were in for, or seasoned programmers at their last ditch effort and were willing to risk humiliation to get the answer.
It’s time for major cultural changes in the programming and tech spheres. We need to treat others with kindness and understanding. We aren’t meant to be gatekeepers or generalized @$$holes. We’re meant to be leaders and problem solvers. We also should probably do something about the tech world being a bit of a boys club. Seriously. But that’s for another essay.
I want to end this with a summary of a conversation with a colleague at work, a guy named Shaji. He has since moved on to a FAANG job. This guy was brilliant. He’s a quarter century into the world of DevOps.
“Ugh, Shaji, this webinar is making my mind melt into a puddle. It seems that the more I learn, the more I realize I have a lot to learn.”
“Same.”
Just one word. One word opened my eyes. I’m not alone in not knowing ALL THE THINGS. Rather, we’re all a n00b at something, we all have our talents and our shortcomings. We need to own the things we know we need to work on, show up, and be all in!